Monday, January 9, 2017
I was so nervous. I blushed and fought making eye contact because I knew you were staring. It was the strangest feeling to feel so small and so big by someone. There had been so much buildup from our friendship and getting closer despite the distance. Before arrival, I told myself to ignore the stressors that will come in a day, fully knowing how minuscule stressors are once the day is over. I’m beginning to recognize I tend to lean on stress as it pushes me to complete tasks, defend my actions, and encourages me to be my best. On the other hand, it has a nasty habit of taking away from a moment that was just fine on its own, without my interrupting negative thoughts. It helped to be seen in my stressful state by someone who cares so much for my well-being to pull me present and get me the hell out of the funk. Looking back it’s funny I could even get in a funk being near someone who can make you glad to be alive. For once I had no set plans in a city I never drive to. Maybe time could have been prioritized better, ate somewhere else, walked down a different street, but how else do you learn if you don’t do it. I also had the best company. There’s so much I noticed about you that attracted me to begin with. Qualities like having an open mind, expressing yourself with thought and consideration, listening well, and also how even when people suck you’re still genuine and compassionate towards them. But what I admire most about you is how you just go for it. Whether it be putting yourself on display, asking strangers questions, feeling something and saying so, or if nerves kick in you don’t allow it to change what you desire. I think it’s the hardest thing to do, to care enough to stop caring and be yourself in a world amongst people trying to figure out that simple, yet we make it complex, part of existing.