(If I Could)

I've been meaning to write. During Christmas. I kept going over the Christmas Eve's I slept in my older brother's room. I always begged my parents to let me sleep in the living room but of course they didn't approve, so I slept on his floor. Sometimes I'd pull my mattress in instead and we'd play games like name movie titles from A-Z - until one of us fell asleep. One night I could have sworn I heard Santa on the roof. In fact I heard the sleigh and his reindeer and I asked my brother if we could check, anxious and full of hope, but he talked me out of it.

The new year has begun and I have made resolutions. I normally don't, but this came naturally. I had spent more time being mad at myself than changing, so I am taking grip of my feelings and making use of them by being a much more kind and gentle person. Another was to read all books I buy and live more on a budget. But more personally, I no longer want to judge someone for the things they do not do but rather be aware, acknowledge and appreciate, what they do do. What we have set in our minds isn't always compatible to someone else’s perspective, or their expression of love. Respect, compassion, and loyalty goes a long way.

Tonight I was treated to an Italian cuisine, a little bit of pool, and then the movie Wild. I've been looking forward to watching it, since I had read the book and become a fan of the “Queen of the PCT,” Cheryl Strayed. It certainly urged me to reminisce to the time Carlos, Ceez, and I hiked 25 miles of the PCT during the hottest time of the year (summer). Still eternally grateful for this hike. With all of our gear on our backs, the Sun began to set so we climbed down a gnarly hill and found sand and a stream against a mountain. It was beautiful and terrifying. So off trail and far from the designated campsites, but we had a fire by nightfall, fresh water, a can of beans that we forgot spoons for (you can imagine) and I've never felt more peace than I do in the wild.

 “The wilderness had a clarity that included me.”
- Cheryl Strayed, Wild